Why Children of Divorce Grow into Broken Adults - Erica Komisar

my parents stayed married, my wife's parents stayed married, and all 4 sets of grandparents stay married. I understand how much of a blessing this is my my children to see 3 generations on both sides still together.

Anyone who says divorce isn’t damaging or “that they’ll adapt” are coping for their own self satisfaction. The reality is that it is very damaging long term in ways that the children can’t even point out or acknowledge because of the cognitive dissonance of the adults in their life.

My parents divorced when I was 4. I have no concept of what a father is and I’m totally awkward around anyone else’s father. When I first met a friend with a true good father and invited me to watch football with him (the father invited me, my friend wasn’t even there) I cried for days afterwards realizing what I never had and how much was missing from my life.

My parents divorced when I was 8 and my sisters were 6. By the time I was a teenager, it felt pretty normal and I felt loved and healthy for the most part. Their divorce was pretty amicable and they seemed to follow most of the guidelines she suggested here. As an adult I can see why they weren't compatible, while as a kid they never shared their relationship issues with us or pit us against the other parent. They had shared custody and I felt really close to both of my parents. I'm really grateful for how I was raised despite the divorce. And I appreciate it even more now that I understand the world better at 30 years old.

Child of divorce. Always felt like an outsider with my friends from stable homes…

The thing I've never heard mentioned is the sheer burden placed on adult children when their divorced parents get old. So not only are you now trying to learn how to show up well within your relationship, parenting your own children, you now have 2 households of aging parents to care for. Double that if both you and your wife/husband come from a divorced household

My parents divorced when i was jn the first grade. I was fortunate that my mom stayed in town and remained friendly with my dad who ultimately raised my brother and I. I never saw my parents fight. Ever. They were friendly but my mom had her own plans and i was raised by my father. Being raised by an engineer father who was himself an orphan made it hard for me when I started dating. Not having a female influence in the house made it really hard to relate to women and my dad was no help. Took 20 years of failure in relationships for me to figure out how to be in a relationship. Been married 25 years now to my beautiful wife and life is good. You can overcome if you try.

My parents divorced when I was 3. The first 40 minutes explains my entire childhood. My mom said to me “you screwed up my wedding, don’t screw up this one too.” (I cried during my mom’s ceremony (5 years old) and I was feeling sick during my step dad’s daughter wedding a couple years later). The destruction of families with be the death of society from creating mentally screwed up kids

Hello you beauties. Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spotify.modernwisdom.com or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.modernwisdom.com Here’s the timestamps: 0:00 Why is Erica’s Work So Controversial? 1:22 The Hidden Impacts of Divorce on Children 4:19 How Stress Reshapes a Child’s Brain 11:05 Is a Friendly Divorce Still Damaging? 14:22 Is 50/50 Custody Always the Right Choice? 22:13 Should Fathers Take a Step Back After Divorce? 26:18 Is There Ever a Right Time to Divorce? 30:52 How Divorce Shapes a Child’s Future 33:04 Boys vs Girls: Who Does Divorce Hit Harder? 34:57 Is Separation During Pregnancy Dangerous? 42:02 Why Children Blame Themselves for Divorce 50:47 Divorce Feels Like Grief For Children 52:25 When Should You Tell the Kids? 54:26 The Worst Ways to Explain Divorce to Children 59:27 Why Promises Can Backfire 01:01:19 What Makes a Divorce “Good” or “Bad”? 01:05:22 Why Stability Matters More Than You Think 01:08:31 How Much Time Should Each Parent Get? 01:14:15 Why Babies' Needs Must Come First 01:19:06 How Parents Can Stay Emotionally Steady 01:21:36 What Secure Attachment Really Looks Like 01:27:58 How the Feminist Movement Left Children Behind 01:35:09 Is Daycare the Worst Place For Children? 01:38:21 We Can’t Ignore Early Attachment 01:40:13 Are Attachment Styles Inherited? 01:41:17 Are Babies Born Aggressive? 01:49:54 How Children Cope With Absence 01:53:25 The Hard Truth About Sacrifice in Parenting 01:59:34 The Toughest Realisations For Modern Mothers 02:09:16 Why Trust is the Foundation of Parenting 02:13:17 The Hidden Challenges of Female Breadwinners 02:23:26 Why Emotional Presence Matters Just as Much as Physical 02:29:33 Where to Find Erica

The most important thing a parent can do is Love their spouse. Learn to forgive, compromise and accept your partner. Fidelity matters. No child on earth wants his mother and father to divorce. As she notes, sometimes this does need to happen but children will pay a price no matter how well you manage the separation. Nothing that really matters or lasts is easy. Take the hard road.