Why Children of Divorce Grow into Broken Adults - Erica Komisar

Anyone who says divorce isn’t damaging or “that they’ll adapt” are coping for their own self satisfaction. The reality is that it is very damaging long term in ways that the children can’t even point out or acknowledge because of the cognitive dissonance of the adults in their life.

my parents stayed married, my wife's parents stayed married, and all 4 sets of grandparents stay married. I understand how much of a blessing this is my my children to see 3 generations on both sides still together.

Step-parents are often the worst part of divorce -- the birth parents might be fine, but then they individually marry new people who create friction with the children

My parents divorced when I was 8 and my sisters were 6. By the time I was a teenager, it felt pretty normal and I felt loved and healthy for the most part. Their divorce was pretty amicable and they seemed to follow most of the guidelines she suggested here. As an adult I can see why they weren't compatible, while as a kid they never shared their relationship issues with us or pit us against the other parent. They had shared custody and I felt really close to both of my parents. I'm really grateful for how I was raised despite the divorce. And I appreciate it even more now that I understand the world better at 30 years old.

Thank you, Chris, for having Erica on. Her wisdom is so needed and “inconvenient truths” are so hard for people to hear. As an 86 year old who studied child development for some 50 years and a parent myself, I have come to know how important those truths are.

Your kids didn’t ask to be here. You brought them into the world. Your life’s mission is to make sure your children have a loving home, a parent that is around, and your training them about how to be a good human and a competent adult. Your life and fun times comes last after you have kids.

My father abandoned us and my parents' subsequent divorce really screwed me up for decades and blighted my life, until I became aware of the mountain of toxic shame that I lived under. I make sure that my marriage is happy and succesful and that my children are happy and secure. I'd always been worried that I would be garbage like my father but luckily I'm not him and have stopped that negativity. Interesting video, thank you.

My parents divorced when I was 4. I have no concept of what a father is and I’m totally awkward around anyone else’s father. When I first met a friend with a true good father and invited me to watch football with him (the father invited me, my friend wasn’t even there) I cried for days afterwards realizing what I never had and how much was missing from my life.

Child of divorce. Always felt like an outsider with my friends from stable homes…

Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Here’s the timestamps: 0:00 Why is Erica’s Work So Controversial? 1:22 The Hidden Impacts of Divorce on Children 4:19 How Stress Rewires a Child’s Development 11:05 Is Amicable Divorce Still Damaging? 14:22 Why 50/50 Custody Might Not Be the Best Solution 22:13 Should Fathers Take a Back Seat? 26:18 Is There Ever a Good Time to Get Divorced? 30:52 How Divorce Shapes a Child’s Future 33:04 Boys vs Girls: Who Suffers More? 34:57 Is Separation During Pregnancy Dangerous? 42:02 Why Do Children Blame Themselves? 50:47 Why Divorce Feels Like Grief For Children 52:25 The Best Time to Break the News 54:26 The Worst Ways to Explain Divorce 59:27 Why Promises Can Backfire in Divorce 01:01:19 What Makes a Divorce “Good” or “Bad”? 01:05:22 Why Stability Matters More Than You Think 01:08:31 How Much Time Should Each Parent Get? 01:14:15 Why Babies Must Come First 01:19:06 How Can Parents Stay Emotionally Steady? 01:21:36 What Does Secure Attachment Really Look Like? 01:27:58 How the Feminist Movement Left Children Behind 01:35:09 Why Daycare is the Worst Place For Children 01:38:21 We Can’t Ignore Early Attachment 01:40:13 Are Attachment Styles Inherited? 01:41:17 Are Babies Born Aggressive? 01:49:54 How Children Cope With Absence 01:53:25 The Discomfort of Sacrifice When Raising Healthy Children 01:59:34 The Toughest Realisations For Modern Mothers 02:09:16 Why Trust is Everything 02:13:17 The Problems Associated With Female Breadwinners 02:23:26 Why Emotional Presence Matters Just as Much as Physical 02:29:33 Where to Find Erica