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r/Offmychest I Stole an Ostrich Egg from the Zoo

2026-01-23 Comedy
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rSlash
rSlash
1.9m subscribers

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Description

Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3hJo9o8qFqrblXu1Plkv8L Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/rslash Discord: https://discord.com/invite/VD6eYD3 0:00 Intro 0:10 Old hookup 1:52 Stolen egg 5:29 Death 6:59 Wipe please 7:54 Bully 11:41 Gym confidence 13:33 Boss's daughter "Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0

Top Comments (10)

@SiegfriedoExMachina 2026-01-23

"C'mon man, it's just old people having some fun, no need to be so close-mi- HE'S HER SON-IN-LAW???!!!!!"

642 5 replies
@onyxdragon1179 2026-01-23

Story 2: Holy- OP and their siblings are *lucky* to be alive, and their parents are really crappy people. I mean, ostriches aren't exactly safe animals to be around as an adult, so imagine a kid entering their enclosure...

372 13 replies
@Rj-ij6ko 2026-01-23

…some of the posts on this subreddit couldn’t have been waterboarded out of me…

253 1 replies
@Foxingg 2026-01-23

about the bully story. "the axe forgets, the tree remembers." trauma sucks.

196 4 replies
@silverflight01 2026-01-23

Story 3: IDK if this fits Survivor's Guilt, but man do I feel OP's pain here. Sure the mom gave her life to save a child, but obviously not everyone will be happy about it. Best OP can do is try to heal and move on

89 1 replies
@genma200sj 2026-01-23

Story 5: I doubt OP will see this, but I figured I'd offer this for anyone who dreads and ruminates on this sort of situation: find a place where you are both alone and safe, and write down what you would want to say to your bully if you run into them again. Do like 3 max. Once you have them written out, say them aloud. repeat them over and over again, until you can say them reflexively. Do it a few times for good measure, until you get past the feeling that what you're doing is stupid, and it becomes exactly like you explaining how to do a simple work task to a new colleague. The reason you wanna do this isn't because you're dimwitted, it's because you freeze up in the moment. Now, if you run into them again, you'll have a reflexive response This is a good way to teach yourself how to deal with conflict if you're uncomfortable with it..

55
@bonefetcherbrimley7740 2026-01-23

1:22 they called her the hoover in her time. Ayooo!

17
@Kruhee 2026-01-23

Can we please acknowledge how dangerous a kid in a encounter alone with a broody ostrich would be?! Lucky I think this egg was abandoned but OMG, a kick from that bird could do some real damage.

16
@Aziza_Nyxie_Jynx_Ashling 2026-01-23

That phrase 10:44 “but the thread is wrapped around your ribs and you’ve been breathing around it for years.” Got me, I feel that viscerally

11
@YourPal1 2026-01-24

Honestly, I think OP in story 3 should get the neglectful parents charged with manslaughter. Someone died saving their kid that they neglected to watch. They should be punished for that.

7

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