The Unspoken Pressure of Finding The “One” - Dr John Delony

The most important decision you will make in your life is to not unalive yourself when you are depressed

Got married at 23. Wife was 19. We have built a life together and have been married for 17 years. Wouldn’t change it for the world

We were 22 and 28 and piss-poor when we met. 8 years later, we are married with our first child on the way. Doing well enough financially 😊 pick them for their character and potential, not their achievements. Those you can build together.

as a 9-5 wage slave with big bank account and an empty house, I feel this.

I like the puzzle analogy, which becomes more complicated as you age and the pieces that fit become more specific. But I don’t think it’s entirely accurate. It’s not simply that someone needs to fit into your puzzle — it’s that with the remaining pieces, both of you are building a completely new puzzle together, which is the relationship. Speaking as someone who’s almost 40 and has been in three serious long-term relationships, I’ve grown cynical about women’s willingness to suddenly flip the table and walk away from that shared puzzle. In all three relationships, the breakup came seemingly out of nowhere, with reasons like “it’s not working” or “it’s not exciting anymore.” And I see the same thing in friends’ breakups — it’s usually the woman ending it, often without what I’d consider a serious reason like abuse, addiction, or violence. More often it’s just general disinterest. I’ve been single for almost two years now, and in that time I tried starting something with three women. I ended things early with all of them once I heard how they described their exes. All three had attractive, successful partners, yet still decided these men weren’t “good enough.” One example: I dated a woman who left her boyfriend of seven years because she said he was “stuck in life.” I assumed he must have been a deadbeat. But as I got more details, it turned out he was making six figures in tech, steadily advancing, and even competing in full triathlons every year. I couldn’t see what was wrong with him that justified a breakup. To me, this reflects a lack of loyalty. Many women seem to treat relationships like a phone upgrade — when it feels stale, they look for a newer, more exciting model. That’s why I’m reluctant to invest in someone new. I’ve had the puzzle flipped three times for no good reason, and in my last relationship, my ex even expected me to stick around as emotional support after she ended things. Marriage isn’t even on my radar anymore — it would just make the inevitable breakup worse. It’s hard not to feel like a doomer about dating. And what makes it even stranger is that many of these same women act entitled to their choices, but also show desperation as they get older. I’ve literally had women tell me their clock is ticking, or ask about adoption on a second date. It’s crazy out there.

Got engaged at 20 married at 21 been together for 20 years. It’s a matter of making it work not a science of how long to wait

This dating and finding a partner stuff is exhausting.

It might've been on this podcast, but I remember hearing by date number 3, you need to be talking about commitment and what your real life plans / expectations are. It worked perfectly and we were married within 2 years. If you're passively just "having fun" - stop wasting each others time. You cannot be talking about kids for the first time years down the road.

Got married at 23, wife was 25. Got divorced at 26 🙃 Find someone where you can both commit to marrying each other every day and work through the hard and the good things with

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