The Best Way to Deal With Narcissists Without Arguing | The Mel Robbins Podcast

And when they do ask you a question about your life, it's not truly sincere.

I love Dr Ramani. There were nights when I couldn’t sleep because of how severe the abuse was and her podcasts and her voice would be the only thing that made me fall asleep. Thank you for all that you do! ❤

Arguing with a narcissist is an exercise in futility and self-abuse.

If you can’t leave, silently stop feeding them and start feeding yourself again. That’s the most powerful energetic boundary you can set. You know the quote, (paraphrasing) “there are two wolves at battle, one is Hate and the other is Love. Which one wins? . . . The one you feed” What does that look like? Don’t ask them questions, don’t try to fix their problems, don’t expect them to ask anything about you, and stop feeling sorry for yourself when they don’t… They’re not going to. Don’t react to any poke or provoking, simply say excuse me what did you say? And then no reaction and walk away. Become very disinterested in anything they like or do. Become very interested in what you like and what lights you up. Drive separately and listen to the music YOU want to listen to. Watch TV at different times so you can watch whatever show YOU want to watch without the need to justify what you like. Try to remember something you used to like to do and start doing it again, but don’t announce it to them just do it because you like it. Share as little as possible about yourself to them, because then they have less ammunition.

22:23 a narcissist can love you as long as they have someone else to hate

Dr Ramani is SOOO right about courts and post-separation abuse.

I am so glad that this woman is brave enough to speak publicly about how abusive it is in family court - the general public are not being heard . People have a humane right to live a abuse free life, not to remain chained to ex because of children being used against the other non abusive parent. And the abusive parent uses the system and the system allows it!!

My dad stuck it out with my mom. After he passed (I was 31), I was so thankful for his presence in my life throughout childhood. He was truly a hero to me, and he provided so much emotional stability for me. I think he felt stuck knowing my mom would try to fight for full custody or it would be worse for his children with the 50/50 custody agreement. He did the best he could in that marriage, and after he passed God really showed me how toxic my mom was. I went no contact after having my own kids, and I'm so thankful for that space. It's been such a healthy environment for me to heal and my kids to thrive.

When narcissists realize they've overstepped, they often temporarily shift their behavior to appear more engaged, caring, and committed. This change, however, is short-lived. After a few weeks or months, they tend to initiate conflict, either through deliberate provocations or by creating contentious situations. One way they provoke is by behaving like an immature teenager, sulking, and complaining about trivial matters. Familiarity with their pattern might allow you to ignore these tactics for a while, but eventually, the frustration caused by their unjust behavior often leads people to react with anger. When you express anger, narcissists use it as a justification to focus on their own interests, claiming victimhood by saying you're upset with them. This perpetuates a vicious cycle. I've discovered that not reacting to my narcissist's provocations led him to become more secretive. Since my lack of anger didn't provide him with his usual excuse to withdraw from family responsibilities, he began fabricating other reasons, such as claiming to work late, to secure time away from the family.

1:04 no interest in you 4:11 harmful 3:26 ego vs narc 5:51 leaving or not 11:14 enact boundary 14:41 mom politics 15:01 teenager 18:09 shaping kids 21:14 narc romance/love 24:22 love is performative 25:24 narc adult child 26:59 true north 31:56 kids with narc partners 35:41 perverted narc 36:46 psychopathy