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Child Attachment Expert: We're Stressing Newborns & It's Causing ADHD! Hidden Dangers Of Daycare!

2025-03-03 People & Blogs
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The Diary Of A CEO
The Diary Of A CEO
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Erica Komisar is a clinical social worker, psychoanalyst, and parent guidance expert with over 30 years of private practice experience. She is the author of books such as, ‘Chicken Little the Sky Isn't Falling: Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety’. 00:00 Intro 02:16 Erica's Mission 05:17 Erica's Background 08:26 Who Are Erica's Patients? 09:49 How Have Social Changes Influenced Parenting? 13:14 Is the Role of a Mother More Important Than That of a Father? 16:44 Why Are Fathers Important From a Biological Level? 21:07 Is Guilt a Bad Thing? 23:34 Erica's Unpopular Ideas About Parenting 25:31 Family Diaspora: Raising Children Without Extended Family 27:45 Can Raising Children Away From Extended Family Be Justified? 28:44 Voluntary Childlessness 29:39 Attachment Disorders 33:54 How Do Attachment Disorders Manifest in Adulthood? 35:08 Choosing a Partner Based on Attachment Styles 36:34 Predicting Relationship Success Based on Attachment Styles 38:07 Does Having More Children Correlate With Neglect? 39:33 Decline in Birth Rates 41:36 What Is Unique About Relationships With Your Own Children? 43:25 What Contributes to Growing Infertility Among People? 46:59 How Did Erica Manage to Balance Work and Motherhood? 49:02 Should Fathers Be the Stay-at-Home Parent? 51:32 Harlow's Study on Rhesus Monkeys 53:52 The Challenge of Motherhood in Poor Socioeconomic Conditions 57:50 Does More Paid Leave Equal Better Childcare? 59:24 Connection Between Upbringing and Success in Adult Life 01:01:54 Ads 01:02:59 ADHD: Why Has It Risen So Much in the Past Decade? 01:08:06 ADHD Kids Are in Hypervigilant Stress Mode 01:10:05 We're Medicating ADHD Wrong 01:11:50 The Top Stressors We're Exposing Our Children To 01:13:54 Is ADHD Hereditary? 01:17:18 Can MRI Scans Spot ADHD? 01:19:15 What's Wrong With Medicating Children? 01:22:06 What Actually Is Anxiety? 01:23:40 The Link Between Stress and ADHD 01:24:47 What to Do if a Kid Screams in a Supermarket 01:28:19 The Different Types of Trauma 01:31:49 Stressful States 01:35:08 Same-Sex Couples Taking Roles 01:36:46 What Happens When Women Are the Primary Breadwinners? 01:41:15 What Should Career-Driven Mothers Do? 01:44:33 Not Everyone Can Do This Stuff 01:47:49 Children Don't Need Other Kids Until the Age of 3 01:49:25 Ads 01:51:23 What's So Important at 3 Years Old? 01:57:57 Can I Repair My Trauma and Brain Past My 30s? 02:01:08 Our Pain and Trauma Are Rooted in Childhood 02:04:58 Is "Daddy Issues" a Thing? 02:08:58 Are We Taking Men's Purpose Away? 02:13:06 Men's Testosterone Drops When They Become Fathers 02:15:28 What Happens When Men Become the Primary Caregiver? 02:18:46 Should We Split Schools Into Genders? 02:21:35 Testosterone Decrease 02:23:36 Raising Healthy Kids in a World of Technology 02:27:10 The Importance of Being Present With Your Child 02:28:12 What Should Employers Do? 02:29:47 Do You Realise How Controversial the Things You Say Are? 02:30:26 The Reason All of This Is So Personal to You 02:33:22 What Does Your Obituary Say? Follow Erica: Instagram - https://g2ul0.app.link/pwv9PCz0lRb Twitter - https://g2ul0.app.link/2EKsgfB0lRb You can purchase Erica’s books: ‘Chicken Little the Sky Isn't Falling: Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety’, here: https://amzn.to/41CKbWd 'Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters' - https://www.amazon.com/Being-There-Prioritizing-Motherhood-Matters/dp/0143109294 Erica also launched her newly initiative Attachment Circles, a platform aimed to create community and educate primary caregivers on the importance of attachment security, particularly in years 0-3. You can find out more, here: https://g2ul0.app.link/OPtiA4a8lRb Get access to exclusive Diary of a CEO content: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGq-a57w-aPwyi3pW7XLiHw/join Follow me: https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb Get your hands on the Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards here: https://bit.ly/conversationcards-youtube Independent research: https://stevenbartlett.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/DOAC-Erica-Komisar-Independent-research-further-reading.pdf Sponsors: Bon Charge - http://boncharge.com/diary?rfsn=8189247.228c0cb with code DIARY for 25% off ZOE - http://joinzoe.com with code STEVEN10 for 10% off WHOOP - https://JOIN.WHOOP.COM/CEO

Top Comments (10)

@wwilliams4743 2025-03-03

I gave up a career and 20 years of working to be a SAHM. People say I had the "luxury" of staying home, but my husband and I gave up a lot of potential income and all the trappings that brings. It's the hardest job I've ever had. But it was worth every dollar I never earned. They're healthy, happy, well-adjusted, and ready to be adults who contribute to a better society. I couldn't ask for more.

18.4k 841 replies
@anniecrowther8423 2025-03-05

As a mom it became extremely clear to me that I was one hundred percent replaceable in every environment EXCEPT FOR…my home. ♥️👶🏼👧🏼👦🏼

12.9k 171 replies
@HandmaidenUK 2025-03-03

I can’t even watch this because the grief I feel about being brainwashed that I had to keep my career after having my babies is too much! If anyone else reads this - the first 10 years go in a flash!! I was a nurse, so I paid for someone to care for my babies while I cared for others who I can’t even remember now. If you can be a stay at home mum please consider it - before you know it they are teenagers and you can never get those days back 😢

9.6k 496 replies
@JenLa8 2025-03-04

I only started listening to this, but from what I understand this confirms that motherhood and mothering as a job should be highly appreciated by society and first and foremost by the father of the children.

8.4k 205 replies
@khethiwezwane2481 2025-03-06

Wow. "Children need you when they need you, not when you are personally available." May we always be there when our children need us!

8.3k 89 replies
@chichan8424 2025-03-04

The society is not just lying about child care, it is forcing parents to have two incomes just to survive.

7.3k 194 replies
@masrisy 2025-03-11

The biggest crime against humanity is forcing mothers to work. And making fun of stay at home moms.

4.9k 139 replies
@TheDiaryOfACEO 2025-03-03

Quick question, do you like these types of convos? If so, please hit the like button on the vid - that’s the best way to let us know (also, would be doing me a big favour if you could subscribe & join our community) I appreciate you - SB! X

4.5k 385 replies
@jilljeffery-smith6718 2026-06-21

I’m 75 yrs and when I had my two children in the 70s you worked till you were 6mths pregnant and you stayed at home until the children went to school. Life was good and you didn’t feel you had to go back to work while they were little, mummy was always there for them. We didn’t have much money but the expectations were lower as long as the bills were paid and food on the table.

90 3 replies
@safiyeali2096 2026-05-21

I listened in tears, because I didn’t hear these things from others — I lived through them myself. We enrolled our 1.5-year-old daughter in daycare. Some of my older neighbors repeatedly told me not to do it, but I didn’t listen. My daughter, who used to entertain herself while I was busy at home, greet people in unfamiliar environments, and eagerly want to play with other children, suddenly became completely attached to me. Every morning I dropped her off at daycare and picked her up a few hours later. At home, she cried constantly and seemed deeply unsettled. Everyone kept telling me that I just needed to wait. So I waited. Her eating habits, sleep routine, and enthusiasm for play completely changed. She wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom alone for a second. She only calmed down when I held her in my arms, and carrying that emotional weight for the rest of the day was incredibly exhausting. When I talked about these changes, my mother and the daycare staff told me that everything was normal, that I was exaggerating, and that she would adjust over time. But my daughter became increasingly distressed. One night, she even cried in her sleep while calling out the names of her daycare teachers. I couldn’t bear it anymore. The next morning, I spoke to the director. Nervously, she scheduled another meeting and sent me away. I left there in tears and went straight to the youth welfare office to say that I was withdrawing my daughter from daycare. A few days later, my husband and I attended the meeting. The daycare administration told us that we should remove our daughter from daycare. When I asked, “Why did you keep telling me this was normal when I repeatedly explained what was happening to her?” they told me that the reason for all of this was me. According to them, breastfeeding my daughter for longer than six months, sleeping with her, playing with her, and even cleaning the house together had made her overly dependent on me. I was the problem. For three years, I blamed myself. Until after my son was born, when a postpartum midwife visited our home and I told her everything we had experienced. Shocked, she asked me three simple questions: “Were you not supposed to breastfeed your daughter?” “How could playing with your daughter possibly harm her?” “What could sleeping beside your daughter have done, other than make both of you feel safe and happy?” The postpartum period is a complete storm for a woman — especially after a first birth. Trying to care, alone and around the clock, for a tiny human being who depends entirely on your attention and care is not easy. Especially in the way modern life is structured today. We are no longer surrounded by large extended families, and for many of us, the first real encounter with babies happens only when we become mothers ourselves. Until then, we are responsible only for ourselves. So of course we feel fear, exhaustion, anger, and burnout in the face of such a life-changing experience. And when returning to work becomes necessary, everything becomes even more complicated. Returning to work before the mother-baby bond has had the chance to fully grow under the difficult conditions of postpartum life can interrupt the slow and natural development of positive emotions and connection. I was angry with my daughter. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and resentful. But as she grew, and as I learned how to be a mother, the bond between us became stronger. My anger faded, my resilience grew, and inside my heart, a quiet tree began to take root and grow for her. But that was only possible because we had time together. Returning to work while still struggling through postpartum exhaustion, fear, and emotional turmoil often forces women to skip over the very space where healing and loving connection slowly begin to grow. After all, unripe grapes turn into wine only with time.

71 8 replies

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