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Protocols for Excellent Parenting & Improving Relationships of All Kinds | Dr. Becky Kennedy

2024-02-26 Science & Technology
1.7m
24.8k
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Andrew Huberman
Andrew Huberman
7.6m subscribers

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Description

In this episode, my guest is Dr. Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of Good Inside, an education platform for parents and parents-to-be. We discuss actionable protocols for raising resilient, emotionally healthy kids and effective alternatives to typical forms of reward and punishment that instead teach children valuable skills and strengthen the parent-child bond. These protocols also apply to other types of relationships: professional, romantic, friendships, siblings, etc. We explain how to respond to emotional outbursts, rudeness, and entitlement, repair fractured relationships, build self-confidence, and improve interpersonal connections with empathy while maintaining healthy boundaries. We also discuss how to effectively communicate with children and adults with ADHD, anxiety, learning challenges, or with “deeply feeling” individuals. The conversation is broadly applicable to all types of social interactions and bonds. By the end of the episode, you will have learned simple yet powerful tools to build healthy relationships with kids, teens, adults, and oneself. Thank you to our sponsors AG1: https://drinkag1.com/huberman Mateína: https://drinkmateina.com/huberman Joovv: https://joovv.com/huberman AeroPress: https://aeropress.com/huberman InsideTracker: https://insidetracker.com/huberman Momentous: https://livemomentous.com/huberman Huberman Lab Social & Website Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hubermanlab Threads: https://www.threads.net/@hubermanlab Twitter: https://twitter.com/hubermanlab Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hubermanlab TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hubermanlab LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrew-huberman Website: https://www.hubermanlab.com Newsletter: https://www.hubermanlab.com/newsletter Dr. Becky Kennedy Good Inside website: https://www.goodinside.com TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/becky_kennedy_the_single_most_important_parenting_strategy Good Inside book: https://www.goodinside.com/book Podcast: https://www.goodinside.com/podcast Newsletter: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drbeckyatgoodinside TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@drbeckyatgoodinside Threads: https://www.threads.net/@drbeckyatgoodinside Journal Articles The tenacious brain: How the anterior mid-cingulate contributes to achieving goals: https://bit.ly/48p5SZW Huberman Lab Episodes Mentioned Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett: How to Understand Emotions: https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-lisa-feldman-barrett-how-to-understand-emotions The Effects of Cannabis (Marijuana) on the Brain & Body: https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/the-effects-of-cannabis-marijuana-on-the-brain-and-body People Mentioned Gabor Maté: physician and author: https://drgabormate.com Ronald Fairburn: psychiatrist and psychoanalyst: https://psychoanalysis.org.uk/our-authors-and-theorists/ronald-fairbairn James Hollis: Jungian psychoanalyst and author: https://jameshollis.net/welcome.htm Timestamps 00:00:00 Dr. Becky Kennedy 00:02:44 Sponsors: Mateína, Joovv & AeroPress 00:07:35 Healthy Relationships: Sturdiness, Boundaries & Empathy 00:14:34 Tool: Establishing Boundaries 00:18:24 Rules, Boundaries & Connection 00:22:19 Rewards & Punishments; Skill Building 00:29:48 Sponsor: AG1 00:31:16 Kids & Inherent Good 00:34:06 Family Jobs, Validation & Confidence, Giving Hope 00:41:54 Rewards, Pride 00:44:48 Tool: “I Believe You”, Confidence & Safety; Other Relationships 00:52:15 Trauma, Aloneness & Repair 00:57:07 Tool: Repair & Apologies, Rejecting Apology 01:01:04 Tool: Good Apologies 01:03:35 Sponsor: InsideTracker 01:04:37 Tool: Rudeness & Disrespect, Most Generous Interpretation 01:12:32 Walking on Eggshells, Pilot Analogy & Emotional Outbursts, Sturdy Leadership 01:20:49 Deeply Feeling Kids; Fears, Sensory Overload 01:30:10 Co-Parenting Differences & Punishment 01:37:11 Tool: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD); Meditation 01:41:20 Tool: Tolerating Frustration, Screen Time, Learning 01:51:57 Grace & Parenthood, Parenting Job Description; Relationship to Self 01:55:24 Tool: “I’m Noticing”, Asking Questions; Emotional Regulation 02:01:15 Adolescence & Critical Needs, Explorers vs. Nomads 02:09:58 Saying “I Love You”, Teenagers; Family Meetings 02:15:07 Self-Care, Rage & Boundaries; Sturdy Leaders; Parent Relationship & Conflict 02:22:08 Tool: Wayward Teens, Marijuana & Substance Use, Getting Additional Help 02:30:03 Mentors 02:34:26 Tool: Entitlement, Fear & Frustration 02:41:57 Tool: Experiencing Frustration; Chores & Allowance 02:46:31 Good Inside Platform 02:51:27 Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, YouTube Feedback, Sponsors, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter #HubermanLab #Parenting #Relationships Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac - https://www.blabacphoto.com Disclaimer: https://www.hubermanlab.com/disclaimer

Top Comments (10)

@olgazavilohhina6854 2024-02-26

¡Hola Profe! Parenting is hard. It's 24/7,no vacation and no retirement. It is most underrated and most valuable job in the world,fueled only with love. Thank You for all Your hard work.

825 20 replies
@lalamar19 2024-02-26

This episode made me feel closer to my mom. I’m an 18 yo college student who recently left home and this episode honestly made me cry because of how grateful I am for my mother. Thank you for making me feel grateful.

416 10 replies
@qqwangxin 2024-06-04

I grew up in a poor sub-rural area in China, neither of my parents went to high schools, but one thing I still remember that they keep telling me was “I believe you”, I believe that you are going to make the right decision, I believe that you are going to do your best to the situation, I believe that you’ll make the better use of the time, resource, relationship, so on and so forth. I remember growing up feeling really trusted and to the extend that I don’t wanna ruin the trust and belief, when I can possibly make a naughty decision or decide to skip a class. Now with this episode, I know just how critical those 3 words mean. I feel immensely grateful to my parents.

328 13 replies
@derekmoore7401 2024-03-01

This is the type of episode that, as a parent, I should listen to once a month. It all sounds so wonderful and makes sense when listening to it, but for some reason, my brain kicks it out the window within a short timeline. The tools and the healthy boundaries are so wonderful to keep as a running narrative when raising your children.

161 2 replies
@QuervoJones 2024-02-26

50 minutes in and this is the most enlightening huberman episode I’ve listened to yet. I don’t have children but I have nieces and nephews and people who work for me and this content is so clear and simple to digest. Goood shtuff

153
@LauraBernal87 2024-02-27

These discussions are necessary now more than ever! We need to stop passing down generations of unresolved issues unintentionally…thank you for doing this! If we can create mindful kids by being mindful parents….could you imagine the changes in the world? Worth it for something you truly love…being responsible for another life (well, 4 over here) has been a lesson in humility, 💯🙏

136 2 replies
@ewallrose 2024-05-22

This should be required viewing for ALL parents and wannabe parents! I am a 72 year old grandma and wish I knew all of this 50 years ago. Thanks!

53
@earlyinterventioncoaching 2024-02-28

Dr Becky is changing the world. Not only is she teaching parents skills for raising amazing humans, she’s validating our own experiences and helping parents heal from the ways we were and weren’t raised. It’s like “oh, my parents did a poor job parenting me…because they didn’t know better. I get to learn these skills now and do better.” She talks about kids not having the “skills” to do something , and it’s the same for us as parents, except that she is so graciously teaching us the skills.

36
@Chris-yq9qi 2025-01-23

Single dad of three boys here. I always worry when they repeatedly having to hold boundaries will make my boys see me as a jerk. I always tell them it is my job to do whats best for them, and growing up you need to know to do whats best for themselves, not what they want. I think the importance you put on validating feelings, and telling them "I believe in you" are great things i can do to help them make the right choice. Please have Dr. Kennedy back!

25
@silverspring7 2025-04-02

I am a parent to a recently diagnosed autistic 13 yr. old. Helping her to cope and adapt has been a struggle. I'm only one hour into this podcast ... she had a bad start to her morning. I told her "I believe you" and it changed the entire conversation instead of ending our morning in a meltdown. Thank you for helping me to better understand my child. I have been at my wits end and this podcast has me crying!

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