Harvard Psychologist Shares 6 Words That Will Change Your Family

After a car accident, mom passed away, I was 12 & my sister 7. Dad didn't step up. His siblings treated us like stepchildren. They never spoke of mom, and we didn't grieve as we should have. My sister was overlooked. I was expected to stop acting like a kid. Was always told I was an angry child. Mom's name was never spoken. Her clothing and items were removed within a week of her passing. Dad married within a year of passing. 20 years later, I started to grieve with a therapist and a book I found. Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman. Since then, I feel lighter, and I now understand I was doing the best I could do without the guidance of the adults around me. I remember being in a panic when I answered a call from school. My sister had failed 2nd grade. I felt like a failure. Yet we were both children being ignored. I now take care of myself by addressing the inner child within me who still is trying to understand to make sense of mom passing away at 31. Mom's sibling made the comment "you were such angry as a teen." My comment was just that "I was a lost child doing the best I could." She looked down and apologized to me. Adults are just not aware of how much power their words have. My sister is a mom of 3 and is very involved with her children. Became a teacher. I am an admin to a grief group. We both find ways to pay it forward. Ps now a days people mention how they feel calm when they speak to me. That surprises me. Also reinforces my search to find my real self after trauma. I am now an empathetic, detailed, organized individual. I need order in my life. Need to know where my loved ones are. I care what people are going through. I can understand that we all process life differently. Not many people bother. Maybe that's why I have limited friends. But I am OK with that. Something my sister recently pointed out was that college students receive care packages from their parents. She recalls wishing she was receiving one. Right away, I feel like a failure for not considering to do this for her back when. But I have to step back and say I was never exposed to such things. Once I was financially able to, I was able to provide gifts and attention. Again, life was just not easy and has had many obstacles. Norma, daughter of Gladys. Ps I've posted recommendations twice, but I guess it's been deleted. Song that comes in my mind Willie Nelson's version for 'Just Breathe (originally by Pearl Jam) As you can see, my post is long. I have lots to add to this topic. Sadly, I know it well.

Oh Mel. 😢 This is Number One best podcast I've ever heard from anyone. I can't stop crying! LIFE-CHANGING FOR SURE. SHARE IT. Love you and so thankful for the doc. Amen.

I just bought one of his books while watching this. I’m watching this episode for the second time. As a parent who truly wants my children to thrive- I want to submerge myself into this information so I stop the bad parenting skills I have used and put to use the parenting skills my children/ we all deserve.

The part at 42:02 about motivation - I read in Elizabeth Pantley's brilliant book Kid-Co-operation 20 years ago, where she said (paraphrasing) that when kid does will instead of rewarding them with 'something' you should say "How proud of yourself do you feel right now" or "You should be so proud of yourself" so that it's not "I'm proud of you" or giving them something materialistic to reward the achievement - it changed the way I thought after I read this. Brilliant

Biggest takeaway from this is that we all have the power to change and improve. It all boils down to skills. Amazing episode Mel.

As a child therapist, I find I am telling parents this all the time. It is so motivating for them!

From a Special Educational point of view this is SO relevant. 2024 and people still blame the kid with intellectual and communication challenges for "not trying" "not complying" but do not realise it is their job to teach them the skills. Positive behaviour support training is so vital in this area of education. Thank you for highlighting it is not a question of will but skill. The educator/support person needs to understand this to rise to the challenge of teaching rather than blame/shame.

I could listen to this doctor all day long. He is extremely wise....wow...I'm thoroughly impressed

When he got emotional, I started tearing up too. What an amazing human being and healer. What luck we have as humanity to have him. Ordering his book right now to listen to it as soon as I'm finished with Mel's

I’m glad Mel asked more about the financial challenges facing young adults. I’m determined to not judge my kid’s spending regardless of helping out here and there because they deserve to live a life. They work in the service industry. 😖