The Simple Tool That Will Transform Your Family Dynamic

Tried everything, I was the one sending Christmas cards, I thought about everyones birthday, I am the friendly rational one....ok, now I let everyone be. I tried enough.

No contact is the only way for some people to survive & thrive- and that’s ok too. You can disconnect in the physical world and you can disconnect in your inner world- this part takes a little longer-and seeking support for this- is a useful step forward. I don’t agree that interconnection with toxic/critical/ harmful familial relationships is just part of life. Blood is not thicker than water- it is just stickier!

The wonderful advice you are giving can only go so far. It may work for those who have grown up in a privileged bubble where the “normal” or “healthy” Family dynamics can be worked with. This doesn’t work with abusive, closed minded sociopaths or narcissists in the familial web. But I’ll try your advice and techniques on other relationships I DO want to deepen and strengthen. Thank you for this!

I agree with what Mel is saying. I also believe that just because you’re related to someone does not give them the right to have access to you no matter what. Toxic people who don’t add value to your life need to be avoided as much as possible, and sometimes cut out for your best mental health. It’s impossible to connect successfully with a person who has totally different values . My husband’s family had a narcissistic matriarch who did the expected damage. Thankfully she is now gone. The family is fractured and angry due to the unhealthy dynamic. My husband really wanted to stay connected but he sees that reality makes that unlikely. And that’s okay. We get it, we deepen relationships with the people we’re in alignment with, not the ones who cause conflict. No regrets.

Not with narcissists. I've done so much and it's not going to get better. Pretending otherwise is just damaging and bad for your self esteem.

Seen, heard ,helped and supported. I prayed this morning for help with me letting go of the choices of an adult child. Then this showed up on my you tube feed. Thank you. Great timing.

The moment I heard: “People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.” That was absolutely monumental. I’m glad I watched til the end. Thank you Mel!

Thank you Mel, my best friend just phoned me, and I send this to her, told her this is the universe way of telling her, LET THEM, so I will gift your book to her now.

Detachment, letting it go, and dropping the rope for the need to control, are all Al Anon tools that are useful in so many situations like Mel is speaking about. Mel's podcast has helped me understand the bigger picture of live and let live!

I use the cyclone as a picture of my family drama. I am the calm in the eye of the storm. They can all spin around in their drama but i am only witnessing the storm. I feel the effects to a point but i am not a part of the cyclone. I can step in when i want but it is always my choice.